Friday, September 21, 2012

One of Them . . . And Then Not

I had a nice conversation with Larry and Joyce, this morning, about our ailments.  Oh boy.  I'm one of them!!!  I have headaches and backaches and my joints hurt . . . I'm falling apart just like them.  I can't decide if I'm more embarrassed or excited because I have something in common with them.  Please like me!

But then later . . . I believe Larry truly thinks of me as a helpless idiot.  Here is a list of things I'm too stupid to know/do:

  • Do not give out (nor make copies of, and disperse) my house key
  • If you use a wider mouthed glass, it might be easier to get ice out of the ice maker
  • The blender can be disassembled . . . Wait, what?!
  • Food goes bad
  • The faucet drips?  "You just have to make sure you push down the handle all the way." (I'll probably address the topic of plumbing tomorrow.)
  • Avoid setting fires
I'm sure there are more, but my brain capacity is limited, seeing as how I'm an imbecile.  I really wasn't aware of how little I know!  I mean, did YOU know that food goes bad??  And to think that it's not desirable to set your home ablaze . . . my mind has been opened to so much.

I really hope you're all smarter than me.  This is crazy.
I loaded the dishwasher last night.  Included inside was the washable part of the blender (yes, I disassembled it all on my own.  I'm actually not an idiot), 2 glass cutting boards, and a rubber spatula.  It all fit just fine, btw.  I put the bottom part of the blender on the shelf as Larry walked into the kitchen and here is our "conversation":

Larry:  Oh there's a top part to that, ya know?

You're kidding.

Me:  Yeah I put it in the dishwasher.  It needed a good clean.

Larry:  (As he turns to walk away)  Oh ok I'll have to wash that out later.  It comes apart to clean easier.

Me:  I know. Because I'm a human.  I took it apart.  It just needs to be cleaned.

Larry:  Oh ok.

He left briefly, only to return to casually open the dishwasher and check my work.

Larry:  Oh I don't know about those boards.  I don't think they fit right.

Me:  They fit.

He then pushes it in and spins the spinny part of the dishwasher to test it.  They fit.

Larry:  Well it just barely misses it.

But it fits.  And he leaves.  VICTORY!  Right?  Wrong.  Because this morning I got up and when I went to the kitchen and opened the dishwasher . . . EVERY SINGLE THING I HAD PUT IN THERE WAS TAKEN OUT!  The dishwasher had not been run because there were still things that had been in there from yesterday.  He had taken everything out . . . including the rubber spatula! . . . and washed them and put them away.  Fine.  He decided to hand wash.  But the problem is, he doesn't hand WASH, he hand RINSES.  No soap!  So I feel the need to wash things before I use them.  That sucks, my friends.  It's a bother.

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